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Love myself

Today, I had Kokoroyajuku-Open Counseling.  Open Counseling is for a donation.There were 5 people in the counseling.They had their own themes to talk,and today, I thought, the underlying theme of the whole counseling was"LOVE YOURSELF".There are many people who can't love themselves.I was one of them.I may still be one of them.Today I thoughtTo love myself completely is to love myself unconditionally.And I wonderedhow many of us can love ourselves unconditionally.I learned colour therapy and I learned the word "unconditional love".And I witnessed the unconditional love occasionallyfor children or spouses.It's rare to see those who love themselves unconditionally.People, including me, tend to love some parts of ourselves.For example, I like me who can win the game.orI like me who drives a big car.orI like me who controls the situation completely.AndI don't like me who can't get full score in the exam.or I don't like me who are fat.or I don't  like me who don't have many friends.It is like judging us by ourselves.Many years ago,I tired not to judge myselfbecause someone said to me, "Do not judge yourself" to love myself.At that time,when I noticed that I judged myself,I thought "Oh, I did again" and felt terrible."Do not judge" caused another judgement.So, today I thought Love myself unconditionally is similar to "not to judge myself"but totally different.If I focus on "Do not judge", I may try to stop some of my habits or behavior.It is like I am saying thatcertain behavior or habits are good and others are bad.And it is judgement.Judgement continues endlessly.If I focus on the "unconditional" elements,no matter what I do, I am loved,I am good .Even if I can't get perfect in the exam,I am OK.Even if I am fat, I am OK.Even if I can't control the situation, I am OK.To say OK to everything is not easy because we have criteria for good or badwhich related to the judgement.However, If we become more forgiving for ourselves,we might be able to love ourselves unconditionally,and may be able to have fun happy lives.In order to love yourself, to be more forgiving and generous for yourself may be the key.

Where is your passion?

I traveled with Terrie Symons who channels Ashtar for 2 weeks, this summer.I interpreted her/his words.When I interpret,I am just a TUBE to change English into Japanese,or Japanese to English.And, I usually don't rememberwhat I interpreted.However, since I repeat same phrasesmany times,some of the words which Ashtar saidstruck my heart.Where is your passion?What makes you happy?I am a counselor,and I sometimes ask the same questions to my clients.Many of my clients say"I don't know""I have no idea."" I don't know what I like to do."or"I thought I liked 〇〇, but  these days, I don't like it any more.""I liked ○○, but I don't want to do it any more."ANDthey want to know how to find their "like" s.I personally think  thatit takes while to find what you really like,because I did some experiments to find what I like.I used to wonder what I like.Many people told me to do what I likewhen I had difficult time.I didn't know what I like.I spent most of my time for my work,for my mother and father.I liked English, so I became an English teacher,but I didn't like working in a big system,and I was tired of working which includes English.If you are not sure what you like,it needs time to gain the feeling that you like something.If you are not sure what you like,your sense of "like" is numb.so you need rehabilitation.My first experiment was for 1 month.I decided to choose what I like to eat.Ramen, hamburger, cake, ice cream,potato chips, etc.Whatever I wanted to eat, I picked upfor each meal, or for snacks.Then about a week later,I noticed that the food I chose was not always what I liked.I mean,when I chose, I thought " Oh! I like it."butwhen I ate it, I felt unsatisfied, dessapointed.I was not happy.I started to notice that I chose what I like to eat based on my knowledge and experience.For example,Last time, when I was tired, Udon was really delicious.I am tired now, so I like to choose Udon.Chocolate cake looks good, butapples have more vitamins.So, I like to eat apples.Then, gradually, I started to feelhow I feel when I eat what I like to eat.What I like to eat strongly depends on my condition of the day.So, it means,if  I liked cheese very much one day,I didn't like cheese at all next day.However, by doing that experiment,I could learn how I reactedwhen I had something I like.This experiment was really interesting.If you are not sure what you like,do some experiment.Try anything you want to do.Then you can find outwhat you like, and dislike.And you will know how you feelwhen you find something you like.

language

I have a teacher, who teaches me important things in my life.If I ask him questions, he sometimes gives me answers,and sometimes, he says "I don't know."and sometimes, he says "just do it, and you'll understand."When he told me "just do it",I used to ask him"How much?""How often a day?""How long?""What will happen?"I wanted to know what's gonna happen,I wanted to know if I would be on the right truck,because I didn't want to waste my time and energy.He just says "do it, and you will know."These days, I think it difficult to say what will happen to each person.I teach English , and I can't tell them when they will be able to speak English.I just tell them to study English at least 10min, everyday.Students ask me "when will I be able to understand English?"I say "I don't know.  Just do it. Then someday, you will notice what you do."If possible, I would like to explain how people learn or what happens in a month or in two months,step by step,when they study English.But judging from my experiences,each person has different experienceseven though they do the same things. These daysI noticed how important it isto keep doing whatever I doto make difference.Explanation by languagemight be interrupting our potential.

My name means...

In Japan, parents name their children, hoping their lifelong happiness.My parents did, too.They named me あいこ（A - i - ko ).They decided to use Kanji, Chinese character, 愛子.愛 means "love" and 子 means "child".They hoped me to be loved by everyone.Last week, I found an interesting information in a book.Each sound of Japanese Hiragana has meaning.あ（A) means "Love".い (i ) means "Light".こ (ko) means "Complete".So, my first name means thatI am a person to complete Love and Light in this world.WOW!I checked my last name, and each sound has meaning, such as"burst" "action" and "universe".Is it like,I burst into the universe by taking action.....?It is a bit difficult to interpret my last name, but it is quite interesting.In Chinese character, my last name means "Half a rice field",so, I prefer "burst into the universe etc.".The writer of the book also said," Your name is  a prayer   which came to you from your beloved ones.  It's a mantra which brings you happiness.　Thank you, mother, for giving birth to me."A name is just a name.But it turned out to be a quite interesting object for me.If I were not in this world,I wouldn't have a chance to know these interesting things.Thanks, mom.  

It cost you....

To do, or not to do. That is my choice.

I've just got a certificate.It is not a national license,it is just a proof that I finished a course to be a Kokoroya Reset Counseling Master.It doesn't guarantee that I can get good salary,orIt doesn't proof that I am a good counselor.However, it means a lot to mebecause it is a proof that I spent 7 months to find out what I really want to do, or what I really want to be.During the 7 months,Everything I did was based on my decision.I didn't need to smile when I didn't want to.I didn't give any advice to anyone who seemed to be in trouble.Even when people appealed that they were sad, I didn't say anything because I didn't want to.I didn't make anyone happy when I didn't want to.It was a huge experiment for me.As a result, I noticed Everyone is OK with it.I mean,I don't need to be kind, or supportive as my parents said.I don't need to help others as my teachers said.I don't need to be nice when I don't want to be.No one hated me.I don't have to be kind.I don't need to be nice.I am OK to be what I am.Everyone is OK to be what he/she is.

Try to say...

"Try to say 'I am sorry', before anyone else."This is today's card for me.we sometimes miss a chance to say sorry, or thank you.Just because we are looking for a right timing,we reluctant to say "thank you" or "sorry".For example,My friends were waiting for me to go to see a movie,and I couldn't be there on time.I missed the chance to say sorry because everyone started to walk.I missed that chance to say sorry.I planned to have a potluck party with my friends.I noticed that I forgot to invite one of my friend on that day, but I ignored it.I didn't do it on purpose, just forgot ...I felt sorry, but I didn't say sorry.If others point out that you are not saying sorry,you may feel that you are accused, and may start to argue you didn't do anything to be accused of.Try to say sorry before anyone else,because you are not doing anything wrong. It the message for me.

Mt. Shasta was really magical.

At the end of April, I went to Mt. Shasta, in the U.S. for 7days.I planned to go there as holidays, to relax, enjoy, and refresh. However, it turned out to be a really meaningful, but, painful trip.I went there with 6 other people. I had met most of them before I went to Shasta.So, it was not a big problem to join the group.Actually, the member was really interesting people.Before the trip, I heard that there are some phenomena called "Shasta Magic".My friend who went to Shasta with me this time had already been there several times, and she told me about "Shasta Magic".Her story was,if the person decided to go to Shasta,some challenges come out to make him/her face his/her issues.For example,Money, some people waste money on something stupid or shopaholic.Relationship, some people depend on others to much,Job, some people keep working at the same company in spite of their truth that they want to do something else. It is like asking the person " Are you ready to move on to the next stage?"My case, I end up to face some problems in my life before I go to Shasta.And, during my stay in Shasta, and even, after I came back to Japan,I was made to face my big issues.I was really tired.and Now, I got some idea what I need to do,but, I am not sure what I want to choose.That is my big problem.I don't want to choose or decide, or trustbecause I don't want to fail.I have a habit to choose something other people expect me to do.It is because I chose things which my father, or my mother, granpa, teachers, want me to do, or to be. I know that fact since I studied psychology, NLP, education, and so on, but it is very difficult to change my habits.I kept the habits for more than 40 years, so I even don't know that I still follow them.Anyway, Shasta made me decide what I do.One thing I decided to do is to Trust myself.It also means that I listen to my heart, not mind. It is very very difficult for me to do that.But I noticed it is the key for me to live a happy life. Many things happened in a short time and I am still not sure if I am on the right track..I hope things get better.