At the end of April, I went to Mt. Shasta, in the U.S. for 7days.
I planned to go there as holidays, to relax, enjoy, and refresh.
However, it turned out to be a really meaningful, but, painful trip.
I went there with 6 other people.
I had met most of them before I went to Shasta.
So, it was not a big problem to join the group.
Actually, the member was really interesting people.
Before the trip, I heard that there are some phenomena called "Shasta Magic".
My friend who went to Shasta with me this time had already been there several times,
and she told me about "Shasta Magic".
Her story was,
if the person decided to go to Shasta,
some challenges come out to make him/her face his/her issues.
Money, some people waste money on something stupid or shopaholic.
Relationship, some people depend on others to much,
Job, some people keep working at the same company in spite of their truth that they want to do something else.
It is like asking the person " Are you ready to move on to the next stage?"
My case, I end up to face some problems in my life before I go to Shasta.
And, during my stay in Shasta, and even, after I came back to Japan,
I was made to face my big issues.
I was really tired.
and Now, I got some idea what I need to do,
but, I am not sure what I want to choose.
That is my big problem.
I don't want to choose or decide, or trust
because I don't want to fail.
I have a habit to choose something other people expect me to do.
It is because I chose things which my father, or my mother, granpa, teachers, want me to do, or to be.
I know that fact since I studied psychology, NLP, education, and so on, but it is very difficult to change my habits.
I kept the habits for more than 40 years, so I even don't know that I still follow them.
Anyway, Shasta made me decide what I do.
One thing I decided to do is to Trust myself.
It also means that I listen to my heart, not mind.
It is very very difficult for me to do that.
But I noticed it is the key for me to live a happy life.
Many things happened in a short time
and I am still not sure if I am on the right track..
I hope things get better.